Eyona Indlela Yokuphila Imigaqo malunga neMicimbi

Imigaqo malunga neMicimbi

Abantu bayakopa ngenxa yezizathu ezithathu: ukutshintsha ukuphuma emtshatweni; ukuhlala emtshatweni; okanye kuba abanakuhlala bodwa.Ifoto nguRobert Marquardt / Getty Izithombe



Ihlala ivakala ngathi yinto emfutshane: malunga nokujika i-40, utshatile iminyaka eyi-15, abantwana ababini abancinci; ukubuya nje kwikhefu losapho kwiCaribbean kwaye ndiqala umsebenzi omtsha wenkampani ye-dot-com; umyeni wobugcisa (ngaba eso sinyanzeliso sokunganikeli nkxaso nokungasekeli?) abathi abaninzi babonakala ngathi bayimodeli kaCalvin Klein.

Ndacinga ukuba ndonwabile, kwaye nangona ndandidlala ngothando ixesha elide, andizange ndanga mntu ngaphandle komyeni wam ukusukela ngala mhla ndadibana naye eneminyaka engama-23. Phakathi kwezinye izinto, umbono wokukhulula iimpahla zam kwaye ze phambi komntu omtsha kwandoyikisa ngokwaneleyo ukuba ndihlale ndedwa. Emva koko ndadibana noSteven emsebenzini. Wayetshatile, eneminyaka eyi-1 kunye nomntwana oneminyaka emi-4 ubudala. Umfazi wakhe umxelele ukuba ade afike kwiminyaka emi-5 ubudala, ebengekho emsebenzini.

Yonke imigaqo itshintshiwe. Oko kwakukade kuyiprayimari ngoku kwaba sesekondari.

Abantu bayakopa ngenxa yezizathu ezithathu: ukutshintsha ukuphuma emtshatweni; ukuhlala emtshatweni; okanye kuba abanakuhlala bodwa. Kodwa uyenza njani? Umntu uyikhupha njani? Kwiminyaka embalwa edlulileyo, abasetyhini ababini babhala incwadi yesithandwa eyaziwayo, eyanconywayo kunye nehlazo kubantu basetyhini abangatshatanga ebizwa ngokuba yiMithetho. Apha ngezantsi, ndidwelise into endiyibona njengeMigaqo ye-Affair.

Kwimeko yam, ndinonyawo olunye ngaphandle komnyango; Ngendingazange ndibandakanyeke ukuba bendingaqinisekanga ngeepesenti ezili-100 ukuba umtshato wam uphelile. Ndithathe inxaxheba kunyaka wokucebisa ngomtshato, ukongeza kutyelelo lwam ngeveki kunye nonyango lwam: Akukho nto yayisebenza. Ndingaba nokuqhekeka, into enamandla, eyoyikisayo-ndaqonda ukuba andizange ndithandane nomyeni wam. Ndamtshata kuba ndicinga ukuba ufanelekile: mhle, umhlobo olungileyo, ulumkile, ungumJuda, ulungile ebhedini (hayi: ulungile ebhedini-ekuqaleni, ubuncinci) kwaye ngekhe andishiye. Ndikhethe ngokuchanekileyo. Ndandiqinisekile ukuba soze abenothando.

Kodwa ngoku, okokuqala kwiminyaka, ndaziva ngathi ndinokukhetha. Kwakungekho mfuneko yokuba ndihlale. Ndidinga ukuziva: ukuthanda, ukukhathazeka, ukonwaba- nayiphi na imvakalelo konke konke.

USteven wayefuna ukuba nolwalamano ukuze ahlale emtshatweni wakhe. Wayemile kwelokuba ufuna ukuhlala ade omncinci abe neminyaka emihlanu. (Unyana wakhe wajika kwiminyaka emi-5 eyadlulayo; uSteven usatshatile.) Ndisamthanda. Undifundise ukuba ndimhle (umyeni wam wayedla ngokuthi ndinomtsalane), ndinobuhlakani kwaye ndinomtsalane, kwaye ndiyakwazi ukuba ne-orgasm ngalo lonke ixesha ndabelana ngesondo.

Emva kokukrwaqula okokuqala, mna noSteven sasijongana. Ndizakuva amehlo wakhe endijongile. Njalo. Ngobunye ubusuku wandicela ukuba ndiye kutya isidlo sangokuhlwa. Ndingomnye wabo bafazi banabahlobo abaninzi abangamadoda. Khange ndicinge kwanto ngesimemo nditsalele umyeni wam umnxeba ndimxelela ukuba ndisitya isidlo sangokuhlwa noSteven. Satya sasela sancokola ngobomi bethu, me waxing on my life good, ekhalaza kabuhlungu ngokungabinalo ixesha lakhe. Undixelele ukuba akasoze amxelele umfazi wakhe ukuba uzotya nam isidlo sangokuhlwa. Ndacinga ukuba yinto engaqhelekanga leyo.

Ngobusuku bosuku lwam lokuzalwa lwe-40th, siphume sayokusela kwi-bar yehotele embindini wedolophu. Ndimbuzile ukuba ndiyaphambana na, okanye ikhona into phakathi kwethu? Ndinqwenela ukuba bendirekhode loo ncoko. USteven wayekhathazekile malunga nefuthe emsebenzini. Wayengenguye umphathi wam ngqo, kodwa wayemdala kunam. Ndathi andifuni iintsapho ezimbini zichithwe yile nto. Ndiyazi kananjalo ukuba andinakulinda ukuba ndimgezele.

Ayizukwenzeka inyanga. Wayefuna ubusuku bonke. Umyeni wam uxhamle -Bendishushu kwaye ndisoyika ngalo lonke ixesha. Andikwazanga ukufumana ngokwaneleyo.

Kwiiveki ezimbalwa kamva, mna noSteven saba nomhla wokuqala. Uhlala e-Chelsea kwaye ndihlala e-Upper East Side, ke sithathe indawo engathathi hlangothi-iSoho-ukunciphisa umngcipheko wokungqubeka kumhlobo okanye utshaba. Yayibubusuku obufudumeleyo bukaJuni nemvula eyayigalela. Sineziselo eMercer kunye nesidlo sangokuhlwa eBalthazar. Bendingafuni ukumshiya; Ndithe ndizomlahla ekhaya ngeteksi. Sasenza ngathi siphambene. Siphume ngaphandle kwekhabhathi saya kwisitrato esishiyekileyo kwaye, siphethe isambrela esikhulu, ndamnika i-blowjob. Ndaziva ndonwabile. Ndafika ekhaya ngo-1: 30 kusasa.umyeni wam wandibuza, ehlekisa, ukuba andithandani.

Mna noSteven saceba ubusuku eWashington, D.C. Sadibana ePenn Station kuMetroliner. Ndandinxibe ilokhwe emnyama yasehlotyeni enesinqe eside emqolo, intambo emnyama emnyama enezithende. Bendingcangcazela. Sahlala ezihlalweni zethu safumana ivodka kunye nokutya okulula. Ndandi thontsiza ndimanzi. EWashington, sajonga kumagumbi amabini adibeneyo. Ndiphume amakhandlela. Yayisisiqalo seminyaka emithathu yokukhwela.

Yigcine ilula

Ukwenza ixesha lokuthandana kunzima, ingakumbi ukuba nobabini nitshatile ninabantwana. Inkumbulo elungileyo ibalulekile. Njalo izizathu zomhlaba ziyinyani kunye nenyaniso. Kuya kufuneka ubenakho ukubonelela nge-skeletal accounting apho uye khona kunye nabani. Iinkcukacha ezimbalwa, ngcono. USteven wayenamatikiti exesha eRanger kwaye wayengenamdla wokuya kwimidlalo. Ndaye ndazi kakuhle ishedyuli yabo. Yakha izizathu ebomini bakho. Joyina iqela lencwadi okanye umdlalo we-poker. Amavolontiya ekhitshini lesuphu. Nantoni na ekunika isingxengxezo esiqhelekileyo nesisemthethweni sokuphuma ngaphandle kwendlu.

Akukho nto kuBhala

Andikwazi ukugxininisa ngokwaneleyo ukubaluleka kwalo mgaqo. Ungabhali nto ebhaliweyo, ixesha. Akukho manqaku othando, akukho miyalezo ibhaliweyo, akukho nto. Ndikufundile oku ngomzekelo. Kwiminyaka embalwa edlulileyo, abahlobo bam abathandekayo babephakathi koxinzelelo lomlo. Umyeni wabuhlaziya ubuhlobo kunye nesithandwa sakhe samabanga aphakamileyo, awayehlala kwelinye ilizwe. Baqala ubudlelwane be-e-mail. Ndiyakwazi oku kuba inkosikazi yakhe iprinta yonke i-imeyile kwaye yandibonisa yona. Uye wafumanisa iphasiwedi yakhe (tshintsha ipassword yakho!) Kwaye wayejonga imeko ye-elektroniki, ephosakeleyo ngokulahleka. Wayesazi ncam xa umyeni wakhe wayeceba ukuwenza lo msebenzi. Kwaye, ngendlela, akazange amnqande.

Ndaphula umthetho wokubhala kube kanye. Mna noSteven sasijonga kwihotele entle eNew York kwihlobo lethu lokuqala. (Ndandiye ndidikwe kukulala ngesondo kumgangatho weofisi yethu.) Ndisebenzise ikhadi lamatyala elisegameni lam ndedwa (jonga: Imali kuphela, ngezantsi). Kwidesika yokwamkela ihotele, ndacelwa idilesi yamatyala; Bendi mathidala, kodwa bandixelele ukuba yenzelwe iirekhodi zabo zangaphakathi kuphela. Kwiiveki ezimbalwa kamva, xa wayesiya kwitheko lokuzalwa eHamptons nomyeni wam, wandibuza ngokumsulwa ukuba ndachitha ubusuku phi kule N.Y.C. ihotele, kuba ndifumene iposikhadi indibulela ngokukhetha kwabo ukuhlala kwam ubusuku bonke. Ndikhawuleze ndathi iqela lethu elisuka emsebenzini liya rhoqo ukuya kusela, kwaye ihotele kufuneka ukuba idibanise uluhlu lwazo lokuposa. Abantu babona kwaye beva kuphela oko bafuna ukukubona nokukuva. Ndisinde ngokulambisa.

Imali kuphela, okanye Fumana iKhadi elitsha letyala

Imali ilawula ukuthandana. Into yokugqibela oyifunayo ngumkhondo wephepha. Mna noSteven safumana ikhadi elitsha letyala, sisebenzisa iofisi yethu njengedilesi yamatyala. Sisebenzise la makhadi kuzo zonke iindleko ezinxulumene nokuthandana kwethu. Yayiluncedo ngakumbi xa sisebenzisa iPriceline.com ukufumana ihotele enexabiso eliphantsi eNew York ngephanyazo.

Oonomyayi

Iiselfowuni ziluncedo kwimicimbi. Kuya kufuneka uzive ngathi ungafikelela kwisithandwa sakho nangaliphi na ixesha (nokuba uyazikhohlisa). Mna noSteven sinomboneleli ofanayo: Sithumele imiyalezo yelizwi eliyekisiweyo kwaye sinesandi esasiyikhowudi yokuba ndiyakuthanda. Qiniseka ukuba ucela ityala elingenazinto; Into yokugqibela oyifunayo kukuba umntu otshate naye abone ukuba uqhagamshele kangaphi okanye waqhakamshelana no-917-, njl. Ndiqinisekisile ukuba xa ndisiya eholideyini nosapho lwam, yayikukuya kwindawo endinenkonzo kuyo -ngoko iiCaribbean zaphuma.

Ukuhamba kwam noSteven sisiya kwishishini, andizange ndixelele umyeni wam igama lehotele, ndisithi kwakulula ukuba andifikele kwisisele sam.

Fihla kwimbonakalo yethafa

Kuyanceda ukuba sobabini sitshatile sinabantwana. Ndithetha ngoSteven ngalo lonke ixesha-kumyeni wam, abantwana, abazali nabahlobo. Ndingabelana ngama-anecdotes ahlekisayo; Ndithethile ngomfazi wakhe kunye nabantwana. Abantu babesazi ukuba ungumhlobo wam olungileyo. Wonke umntu ebesazi ukuba ndihamba naye, kwaye siyokuphuma siyokusela emva komsebenzi, okanye isidlo sangokuhlwa. Ndandicacile kwaye ndivulekile. Xa ekugqibeleni ndavumayo kudadewethu, wadanduluka, Wazifihla! Senze-yeyona ndawo ifihlakeleyo yokufihla.

Yiba 'Nentshebe'

Ndaba ngabahlobo abakhulu kunye nomkhuluwa kaSteven, uPeter. UPeter wayesahlukana nomfazi wakhe wesibini kwaye wayenabantwana abane, abathathu kubo babemalunga neminyaka yabantwana bam. USteven, uPeter kunye nam saqala ukuxhoma lonke ixesha. Ndifuna ukuba uPeter azi ukuba bendibandakanyeka noSteven, kwaye ngenye ingokuhlwa ndamxelela (ngemvume). Wayengalindelanga, kodwa engagwebi kwaye exhasa. Njengokuba umtshato wam uqhawuka, mna noPeter saqala ukuchitha ixesha elininzi kunye ngakumbi: izidlo zosapho (zihlala zibandakanya umyeni wam), iimuvi, iimyuziyam kunye nebrunch. Sasibhiyozela imihla yokuzalwa neeholide. Abantwana bethu bakhulise ubudlelwane babo. UPeter waba njengentsapho. Wayefana nomlamu wam, kodwa akukho gama ngesiNgesi ngomyeni womyeni. Umyeni wam wandibuza ukuba andithandani noPeter; ngokunjalo nomama. Akukho mntu wacinga ngoSteven. Khangela iindevu.

Ubungqina Bomzimba

Andizange ndisebenzise iikhondom ngaphambili, kodwa ndafunda ukuzithanda. Ngaphandle kokukhuselwa okucacileyo kwizifo kunye nokukhulelwa, awunakukhathazeka malunga nokuvuza. Ngesinye isihlandlo, ndafika ekhaya emva kokulala noSteven ndangena ebhedini nomyeni wam, kwaye ndabona ukuba ulungile. Andizange ndizithethelele; Kwafuneka ndilale naye. Vala nje amehlo akho kwaye ucinge ngeNgilane. Kodwa bendingamyeki ahle ezehlela kum. Ndifumanise ukuba incasa yelatex iya kuba kukupha; ubuncinci kwakungekho mkhondo wesidoda senye indoda.

Enye into: Andizange ndiyazi ukuba ndibuthathaka kangaka. Mna noSteven sasidla ngokulalana phantsi eofisini, kwikhaphethi erhabaxa. (Kwakungaphambi kokuba ndithenge ngengubo-ingxaki elandelayo yayikukuyicoca.) Ngenye intsasa, ndandinxiba kwaye ndacela umyeni wam ukuba aziphe ilokhwe yam. Kwakukho amanqaku amathathu anomsindo kumqolo wam: ukutsha kombhoxo. Uye wandibuza ukuba zintoni, ndathi andinalwazi. Emva kokuzama, soloko uzivavanya esipilini.

Uyeke isiqhumiso. Nika umlomo womlomo. Uyazi ukuba kutheni.

Amasiko endlela

Imihla yokuzalwa, imitshato, imingcwabo, njl.njl., Zinokuphazamisa imicimbi: Zijonge ebusweni bakho into yokuba isithandwa sakho sitshatile kwaye ubudlelwane bakho buyimfihlo. Kuyanceda ukuba nemantra: Utshatile. Ngumfazi wakhe. Kufanele ukuba umthengela isipho seKrisimesi…. Rhoqo, ayikwenzi uzive ungcono; yindlela nje yokungena. Kwimeko yam, kwafuneka ndijongane neminyaka engama-40 yokuzalwa kukaSteven kunye nomngcwabo kayise.

USteven uye washiya umsebenzi ngenjikalanga enye ukuze athathe intombi yakhe ayokuya nayo esikolweni ukuphuma kwesikolo. Iselfowni yam yakhala-inombolo yasekhaya. Ndacinga, Oku akuqhelekanga; bekungafanelekanga ukuba abe sekhaya okwangoku. Yayingumfazi wakhe. Bendingazi nokuba unenombolo yam. Wayebiza ukuba andimemele uSteven omangalisayo we-40th-birthday party kwiinyanga ezimbalwa. Wayendinika iintloko-ntloko kuba wayefuna ndenze ividiyo vignette, ukuba yinxalenye yerhafu awayeyidibanisa. Oku kwandothusa: Mna noSteven besineminyaka emalunga mibini sihleli kunye, kwaye bendicinga ukuba umtshato wakhe uyawohloka. Into yokugqibela endandizoyenzela umyeni wam kukumenzela itheko.

Ngaba ndimele ndixelele uSteven ukuba le ibiyimisebenzi-okanye ngaba ndimele ndivale umlomo wam? Ngaba ndifanele ndiye nakwitheko? Ndabiza umgqirha wam ngokukhawuleza. Ndabiza iindevu zam. Akukho mntu ubuyileyo. Kamva ngorhatya, uSteven wandifunqula kwaye wayesazi ukuba kukho into endiphazamisayo. Ndizichithile iimbotyi. Khange ndiyenze itape. Khange ndiye kwitheko. Ndandinenkanyamba. USteven undixelele ngale vidiyo: Ekupheleni kwayo, umfazi wakhe wathi uSteven ngumyeni omangalisayo, utata kunye nomthandi. Kodwa bendisazi ukuba khange babelane ngesondo ngaphezulu kweenyanga ze-14.

Ngenye imini-ingqele, ikhephu lasentwasahlobo ekuseni-uSteven wanditsalela umnxeba wathi akangeni.

Kuyabanda kakhulu kwaye kunekhephu kuwe? Ndaqhula.

Hayi, watsho. Utata wam wasweleka.

Utata wakhe wayemncinci kwaye emkhulu kunobomi. Ndothuka.

Umngcwabo yayiyeyona mini inzima ebomini bam. Kwakugcwele iidonki kunye neetoti. Akufanelekanga ukuba ndisondele kakhulu okanye ndiqhele. Khange ndikwazi ukumgona. Khange ndikwazi ukuqhuba ndiye emangcwabeni naye. Ndandivaleleke egumbini kunye nenkosikazi yakhe, kwaye kwafuneka ndimjonge xa ​​ezama ukumthuthuzela naye. Bendimfuna. Ndifuna ukuba abhengeze kwihlabathi ukuba yayindim owayefuneka ecaleni kwakhe. Yonke into yatshintsha kum ngala mini. Ndiyifumene nyani.

Ukwabelana ngesondo neqabane

Yiphephe. Nangona ndandingafuni ukuqhubeka ndilala nomyeni wam, ndenza njalo. Ubuncinane okwethutyana. Ndizamile ukuthi hayi kangangoko kunokwenzeka, kodwa andifuni ukuphakamisa iiflegi ezibomvu okanye ndenze incoko enzima naye malunga nobomi bethu obuphela ngokwesondo. Okokugqibela, malunga nonyaka emva kokuba umcimbi wam uqalile-kwaye emva kokulwa-ndixelele umyeni wam ukuba ndigqibile. Hayi kwakhona. Sahlala kunye iinyanga ezininzi ezininzi. Okumangalisayo kukuba, asikaze sixoxe ngokwanelisa iimfuno zethu ngaphandle komtshato. Kwakuthe cwaka.

Umona ungazifaka kumcimbi wokuthandana. USteven akazange abe nomona malunga nomyeni wam kunye nam kunye nesondo. Wayenomona ngaye wonke umntu-kwaye ndithetha wonke umntu. Andizange ndijongane nayo ngaphambili. Ndiyifumene intle kwaye iyacaphukisa. Isilo sam esamehlo aluhlaza savela nanini na xa uSteven elala nenkosikazi yakhe-kwaye yayingumxholo endandibuza ngawo ngalo lonke ixesha.

Isangqa seTrust

Bartenders, linda abasebenzi kunye nabasekeli bathembekile. Baqeqeshiwe. Ungaya kwindawo yokutyela ngobusuku obunye nomyeni wakho, ngokulandelayo kunye nesithandwa sakho, kwaye akukho mntu usisilumko ngakumbi. Elona candelo linzima kukuba kufuneka wabelane ngolwazi olukhohlisayo kunye nabahlobo. Njengomgaqo jikelele, ndingathi hayi. Kuyingozi. Ulwazi oluthe kratya apha kwindalo iphela, kokukhona kunokwenzeka ukubanjwa.

Khange ndiwulandele lo mthetho. Ndabaxelela bonke abahlobo bam, imihla ngemihla, inyanga nenyanga. Ummangaliso kukuba bendizama ukuthembeka kunye nenyani ngaphakathi kwesakhelo esothusayo sobuxoki nenkohliso. Ndandiziva ndinamandla, ndiphila, ndithandana kwaye ndinenjongo. Bendifuna wonke umntu azi ukuba ndonwabile ekugqibeleni.

Ukuxoka kumyeni wam yenye into; ukuxoka kubahlobo bam yenye into. Ivavanya ubuhlobo. Ivavanya isimilo kunye nokunyaniseka. Ukuxelela abahlobo kuyabasokolisa. Ufuna ukuba bagcine imfihlo, kwaye kwenza ukuba kube nzima kubo ukuba bajonge kuwe okanye kwiqabane lakho. Itshintsha ubomi bakho bezentlalo: ukuphuma njengendawo yesine akusebenzi. Usisongelo: Umtshato wabo ngequbuliso uziva ngathi usengozini. Ukuba bendinokuyenza, banokuyenza. Yilungele ukugwetywa-kwaye ungqwabalala. Abahlobo bam bokwenene abathandekayo bayiqonda ingxaki yam, baqonda ukukhathazeka kwam kwaye baxhasa isigqibo sam. Zonke zazithembeke kakhulu.

Khanyela, Khanyela, Khanyela

Musa ukuvuma. Ayikaze ifaneleke kwaye ikhokelela kuphela kwiimvakalelo ezibuhlungu kunye noxinzelelo lweemvakalelo. Ndikulungele ngokwenene ukukhanyela. Ndisebenzise ukukhanyela kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi bam. Ndingajonga umyeni wam emehlweni kwaye ndiziphikise ngokucacileyo naziphi na izityholo. Ndandifuna ngamandla ukukhusela umcimbi wam. Ukuxelela umyeni wam ukuba ndithandana nomnye umntu, ukuba ndithandana nomnye umntu, kuya kuba yinto encinci kwimicimbi yethu yokulwa.

Musa ukukhohliswa: Amaqabane ahlala eyazi ukuba kukho into engalunganga kwinqanaba lethuku. Kodwa nabo bahlala kwimeko engapheliyo yokukhanyela. Kuya kufuneka benze awabo amabali ukuze baphile. Sebenzisa oku ukuze ufumane inzuzo. Umyeni wam wayesazi kakuhle ukuba umtshato wethu uyafa, kwaye wacebisa, kwakhona, ukuba siye kumcebisi womtshato. Yayiyinto yokugqibela emhlabeni endandifuna ukuyenza.

Ungayi kwicounselling ukuba uyathandana. Umfazi kaSteven wanqanyulwa nakwinyani yakhe. Ngenye intsasa, wamxelela ukuba ubenephupha apho uSteven exelela bonke abahlobo babo ukuba banomtshato ogqibeleleyo kwaye ebelele nomnye umntu. Akazange alume; khange athethe. Amaqabane ayazi-akufuneki ubaxelele.

Imeko eqhubekayo

Gcina imeko ikhoyo. Ewe kunjalo, kukho isiphako esibulalayo apha: Ukuze ulwalamano lwakho lukhule, kufuneka lutshintshe. Ndandifuna ukukhula; Ndandifuna ukulala; Bendigula yimfihlo yam. Ndifuna ukuchitha ixesha nosapho lwakhe, yena kunye nam. Ndifuna imeko yesiqhelo. Ndifuna ababini, hayi abane, abadala kobu budlelwane. Ndandifuna umtshato wam uphele. Izolo. Kodwa khange ndityhale nzima ukuba umyeni wam ahambe, kuba uSteven wayengamshiyi umfazi wakhe. Ingathi ndiyatshona. Emva kweminyaka emalunga nemithathu, umyeni wam ekugqibeleni wemka. Ndandikhululekile. Umcimbi wam uye wangcangcazela; ibala lokudlala belingalingani. Yaphela. Ndisebenzise umcimbi wam ukutshintsha umtshato wam. USteven wayisebenzisa ukuhlala.

Isipili, isipili eludongeni

Musa ukuvala ubomi bakho beemvakalelo ulinde omnye ukuba asebenzise ukhetho lwabo. Umcimbi unokuba sisifundo sobomi. Vavanya izizathu zakho, ityala lakho kunye neemfuno zakho. Buza yonke into. Ndafunda malunga nokuhamba kwam into endiyifunayo ekugqibeleni kubudlelwane. Ukuthandana kunokuba sisipili. Qwalasela.



Amanqaku Umdla